Grow

by Joel Janikowski

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03:36
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02:55
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04:52
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03:46
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05:05
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04:31
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04:58
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about

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Grow is a double concept 18 track album. Concept 1: The album is separated into 3 parts. Each set of 6 songs having a different musical style. Lighter Acoustic, Full band, & Ominous Experimental. Concept 2: Every song tells the story about a man struggling with himself, his new found relationship, & his traumatic past.

credits

released June 19, 2012

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A SPECIAL THANK YOU TO:
Kayla Janikowski - Lyrics for track 8. Vocals for Track 17.
Nick Keller - Drums on tracks 2, 3, & 9. Lyric work track 9.
Dylan Bice - Drums on tracks 6, 7, 8, 10 & 11.
Travis Mollman - Bass Guitar on Track 11.
Marcia Janikowski - Lyrical work on Track 9.
Joe Davis - Storyline work on track 14.

license

all rights reserved

tags

Track Name: Puddles to Pools
STORY:
Our story begins with a man diving into a relationship, hoping it will be the escape from all the lies, uncertainty, negativity, and unhappiness that he sees in the world.

LYRICS:
Can you take me for the ride,
Away from all the things we hide inside?
Confused about the near and far,
Do you really wanna know who you are?
Can your heart sing the simple things?

Can you take away all our lies?
Cause I’ve been trusting you, with my life.
Does your heart hold what it’s supposed to show?
Cause when we’re taking all these risks in life,
I know I believe when I look right back into your eyes.

Can I provide the light, tonight,
For you to be feeling safe inside, for just tonight?
Just take a little bit of those memories,
Throw ‘em in a book so we can see in time,
That we’ll be fine.
Can your heart sing the simple things?

So lovely, your eyes, so lovely,
They take my pain away.
If only somehow you could stay.
Track Name: The Element
STORY:
As time goes on, the seed of doubt begins to grow in his mind. He starts to wonder if the relationship could be a risk to his and her happiness. He wonders if comfort keeps him there and if this was a mistake.

LYRICS:
Down by the water,
Our hearts are full of lies.
And if I bring her to the alter,
It’ll be the end of our lives.
When you feel the earth shatter,
That’s when you begin to realize,
That the heart truly matters,
When it comes to your life.

If your heart has been over run,
By the truth of loves decision,
Is it time to hold on to love
or leave and try to save us?

When the fire of your love burns,
And your heart is falling down,
You can find the winds of comfort,
To keep you around.

Just hold me now.
I wanna see if we can hold this light.
Can you wait for me?
Track Name: A Mistake
STORY:
Looking back on their confrontation, he begins to regret pushing her away. He realizes that he can’t cope with the guilt of her broken heart and his sobering loneliness.

LYRICS:
We fell into love’s spell again.
To her I am more than a friend,
Who stays ‘til the end,
Who keeps all her secrets safe inside.
But I’ve been fooling love again,
Cause I got her running in circles,
For my heart to finally bend.
That’s when I lost her heart one day, cause her

Her hearts a mess, mine too I guess.
But it’s the way she feels that makes me stress,
About the day I turned away.
The day I threw her heart away.
I kept my pride, but now I’m not so sure,
If I want her to feel this pain anymore.
I wish the winds of life would change that day,
When I made a mistake.

I’m doing everything that I can,
To try to keep me alive.
But I already know that the guilt’s
Gonna find my heart and rip it apart
Cause she didn’t deserve the hurtful words.
What if, what I said was out of fear,
Of being hurt by those who
Care about our love
And what I’m dreaming of.

Oh but it’s just too late, cause her

When I told her I needed more space, and a friend,
That this was much more than I was looking for.
Oh then she said,
So what your really saying is that I’m not good enough.
I told her yes and watched her turn and run.
But now I’m all alone, cause her
Track Name: Lonely
STORY:
Alone and full of guilt, he tries to forgive himself using the comfort in his own sorrow. Accepting what has happened, he decides that it is time to fix what has been broken.

LYRICS:
All the colors and the wonders of the world are all gone
I hope you mind if I watch
All the greens, blues, grays, blacks, whites
They surround me.
I’m not gonna lie,
This is rather nice.

Oh my heart,
Feel the nothing that I wanna feel,
But you’re gone and I’m lost if you’re not here with me.
So it’s time to move on and right these wrongs.

You can be lonely
And it could be lovely
But when your heart is gone
There’s no one left to love, but you.

Keep your plans,
And the world you know can’t grow.
If you can’t understand,
That the love you lost,
From your past shouldn’t hold you back.

When your heart is tucked away,
And there’s nowhere here you can stay,
It’s time to find the courage and the light to finally realign.

Oh my heart feels the something that I wanna feel,
But you’re gone and I’m lost if your not here with me.
So it’s time to move on and right these wrongs.

You know its time to fix this,
Oh it’s time to fix this,
Apologize and realize and, fix this.
Track Name: Love You Still
STORY:
He goes back to her to admit his problems and faults. Knowing that their relationship may not always be perfect, he still believes that they can be there for each other, through every high and low.

LYRICS:
I look into your heart and I see purity,
With more beauty than a piece of jewelry.
I can hear your heart
It sounds like a symphony.
So strong, so proud,
It’s something that you’ll always be,
I’ll always keep.

So when your world is caving in,
And your heart is about to bend,
I will love you still, I will love you still.
When your mind is still at war,
With the love we’re fighting for,
I will love you still, love you still.

Tonight.

I know that I sometimes can be cold as ice,
But just try to find true love in my eyes.
You’re gonna find the truth and love in me.
Just take a look inside and you’ll see tonight,
my insecurities,
Oh, you’ll know my heart.

Tonight and every night, Love.

Just know I love you.
It’s just so hard to tell you.

So when my world is caving in,
And my heart is about to bend,
You will love me still, love me still.
When my mind is still at war,
With the love we’re fighting for,
You will love me still, love me still.
Track Name: When Walls Were Built
When Walls Were Built, Hearts Were Broken

STORY:
Replying to his apology, she expresses her thoughts
and feelings upon what has happened. Saying that if
this is going to work, he can’t push her away anymore,
that he must prove himself.

LYRICS:
Whose side are you on?
One point for you, one point for me.
We know your actions were wrong,
By the walls you built so easily.

Oh if we could see you when your alone,
Oh then we could see the truth.

Take your heart and fill it slowly,
‘Cause love takes time to hold.
Don’t build walls for the heart that we know,
Or you truly will be alone.

Oh all things can break,
Including the walls that were made.
But when ignorance is played,
The heart is the last thing to change.

Alone, all alone,
With all of your worries and problems,
You’ll always be alone.
If it’s love that you seek, I’ll give you all you need,
But just know that love,
Is something that you have to prove.
Track Name: A Subtle Doubt
STORY:
He sees that he has much more to learn about the
relationship and himself. Although after all is said and done,
he still feels like something is wrong, something underlying
that he can’t quite understand. While searching for his
answer, doubt is becomes a continuous battle.

LYRICS:
Love, it’s more than we know.
Can it keep us alive, so we can grow?
Love, keeps me sane until,
Doubt runs thought my heart and makes its kill.

(I’ll be/I’ve been) talking to angels in hopes that they’ll show,
The answer to the secret,
Cause nobody knows what we all need,
And what we could be in time. (inside)

I believe that there’s something in me,
That can’t be filled by all these dreams.
So can love then save me too?
Just another heart that looks for truth.

So I sing for you, oh for you.
I found love when I found you.
You’ll see in time, you’ll see the truth.
So I sing for you, oh for you.
I know I found love
When I found me in you.
You say to put in some time in our lives.
Can’t you see I’m trying too?
Track Name: Truth
STORY:
Constantly fighting his own doubt, he questions if she can
take it all away. Maybe some kind of trust in truth can
save his troubled mind and their relationship.

LYRICS:
My life is still half written
Constantly filled with doubt.
If only I controlled the mind,
A million things I would black out.

Left buried deep inside of me,
A broken pain of thought.
Like a shadow in the dark,
This pain won’t find my heart.

Can the truth save our lives,
Could it keep me safe from the promises inside?
Can your heart hold me tonight?
Cause I’m scared from the world that waits for me outside.
You’re saving my life tonight.

Keep me in your swollen hands, for if you touch, I’ll burn,
For of those who try to help me,
within a second they will learn,
I am not evil with a glance or just a passing of a kiss.
It’s in my future and my love, this pain just won’t exist.
Track Name: Too Many Ways
STORY:
As the days go on, she tries to inspire him to try harder because she is becoming a hollowed-out soul due to her constant support for him and their problems.

LYRICS:
Are those conversations getting better,
Of controversial politics and stormy weather?
It’s time for you to break out of your shell.
There’s a lot more to life than, all ends well.
You owe it to yourself.

There’s too many ways to die.
You gotta get a hold of your life.
The world could be at your finger tips,
Oh this choice could be yours,
so now go and live
(for tonight).

I’ll wait for you,
To come on through.
It’s time to feel love again,
To change in the end.
Can’t you see that I need
All your love and to know that
I can be safe.
Track Name: Just Tell me You're Alright
STORY:
Still trying to coach him through his now selfish struggle, she tells him that it’s time to fix himself because she can’t do this much longer. She tries to remind him of the words he said to her. They will be there for each other through every high and low.

LYRICS:
Forever like the weather
My emotions change inside my heart.
I’m scared and lost without your love.
Just please come back home.
Like a dream, we’re falling down so hard.
We just got to look up to the stars.

I know you feel alone in your humble home tonight,
What would you do if someone told you
That you had to be alone inside?
Just find some light and you’ll be alright tonight.
What would you do if someone told you,
It could be alright tonight?

It stays alive,
When you keep it inside,
When your feeding us lies.
We know you’re holding back, just come back home,
You know what is right,
So now just get back to your life.
No more holding back.
Just come back home.
Track Name: You're Gonna Need Some Evidence
STORY:
Struggling with his problem, he separates himself into two people: his conscience and his active person to figure out his personal problems by self-analysis.

LYRICS:
I went into my room and I saw me on my bed.
I was cryin’ facin’ down with my hands up on my head.
I tried to give some comfort but I wouldn’t understand,
That some days you need some evidence for
God to give you medicine.
Can’t you see your problems are a concept or perception,
That your mind is still at war with society’s deception,
Of the truth and what has happened to your happiness,
And how you’ll get it back.

You knew the way it hurt.
You knew the way you were.
So get back to the start,
Begin with your heart,
And find out how this works.
You knew they’d be concerned,
With the medals that you’ve earned.
Oh when hearts start to shatter,
You battle with laughter.
It’s funny how we learn (these days).

That your problem is yourself.
You don’t think you need any help.
But when times get hard you go too far,
And you’re left with no one else but yourself.
You reflect on what you know.
You cry, but you don’t grow.
I wish you could finally understand,
That you wouldn’t have stood a chance.

You’re gonna need some evidence,
For God to give you medicine...
Track Name: Realign
STORY:
After coming back home, they get in a big fight. Before leaving him, she expresses all of her anger about her constant support, his temper, and blind selfishness. Angry and confused, he is left with nothing but hate and pain.

LYRICS:
I try to call on my faith in you,
But as time goes on I’ll keep you together.
You fall and expect my arms.
But when they’re gone your love turns to anger.
And why can’t you see me on my knees,
Begging you please, I need you now.
But I can’t take it, you’re selfish and jaded.
Don’t cry, I’m not turning back.

Welcome back
To having that
Second chance at last.
I hope you’re fine.
Just know this time,
I won’t have your back.

Wish on the world,
As it’s falling apart.
Hope that in time,
You will find your heart.
Hold on to life.
Break through this time.
Try to realign.

Why,
Does this happen every time?
Why,
Do I run each time?

So now I’m all alone, and it’s fine ‘cause I realized,
This world is just a trick to try to keep me kind.
I’m done with love and all its lies.
There’s nothing left but pain and hate in my life.
Track Name: I Never Wanted This to Happen
STORY:
Angry with himself, her, and the world, he snaps into a violent rage of hatred and anger. This eventually caused a very intense pain in his heart. After learning that the pain in his heart is actually a terminal illness, he willingly gives up on life and any good that it had to offer. Knowingly corrupted, his happiness is no more.

LYRICS:

Why
Why does it hurt this time?
Why
Why don’t I feel alright?

If you recall the night before the fight,
It all makes sense until,
You left me all alone,
With nothing but the truth.

And there’s a pain inside
My heart this time
A death that’s true.

What’s the point,
Of living for love,
When it kills you?

I don’t care
If this is what
I became.
Track Name: Sanity
STORY:
His physical and metaphorical heart completely exhausted, his whole body collapses. As he sees blurry paramedics hovering over his motionless body, he has a great moment of discovery. Thinking that maybe the core of his struggle began three years ago, when he saw his mother die right before him. Thinking maybe that’s why he pushed away anyone tried to love him since that day. Maybe if he can forgive himself and let her go, both him and his mother can finally move on.

LYRICS:
Staring at the city lights,
Questions running through my mind.
Anger, is it really relevant in our lives?
I’d rather leave my heart behind.

Maybe it’s inside of me,
Maybe it’s the one I seek,
The one who died in front of me,
Three years past.

If I could forgive myself for pain and guilt,
Maybe mother’s soul can rest at last.

Your heart brings silence to her soul,
Some peace and quiet to us all.
Track Name: Reasons
STORY:
Waking up to multiple IV’s, heart monitors, and learning that he has only a few hours left to live, he wishes he could do everything differently. Wishing that he could go back in time and fix what he had broken. Now appreciating those who cared for him and accepting his selfish past, he let’s go of his problems and embraces his fate.

LYRICS:
If I could stay alive for one more night,
I’d rid the world of its faults and forget mine.
I now see the world in a different light,
It took ‘til now for me just to realize.

What’s come and past,
We knew it wouldn’t last,
To forgive and forget
We all have regrets.
Close your eyes,
And truly see,
See what’s around you,
And who cares about you.
Find out why they’ll never leave your side,
And truly believe.

If could close my eyes and turn back time,
I’d listen to your words and your thoughts ‘til the end of the night.
It pulled me back to reality.
When I realized your words and your thoughts
were just love for me.

Do you believe,
In what your heart can see,
Bring love into your life again.
Track Name: Oxygen is Necessary
STORY:
Finally freeing himself from his cynical past and over-analytical mind, his heart struggles to beat and stay alive. (Represented by the drum line in the song.) He finds a euphoric peace in just breathing his final breaths and accepts it as peace.

LYRICS:
none
Track Name: A Comforting Funeral
Just like the dive into his relationship, he dives into the after life with one final breath. Submersed in an ocean of his memories and emotions, he can hear the muffled conversations of those speaking at his funeral. Making his way to the shore he is welcomed by God in the form of his mother’s body.

LYRICS:
none
Track Name: The Dreams That Wake You
STORY:
Throughout their conversation, he is told that his new understanding and appreciation of life has been greatly noticed. It has earned him a second chance at life, that this will be nothing more than a dream when he goes back to the time right before he meets the woman who loved him so much. He then expresses his gratitude for his second chance and the lesson that he was given.

LYRICS:
I know that you are waiting,
For someone to pick you up,
‘Cause you are shaking,
From all the dreams that wake you up.
I know that you are waiting,
For someone to pick you up,
‘Cause you are shaking dear,
I know that I can fix you up.

You let me out.
You set me free.
You helped me be,
Just who I want to be.

You helped me see.
You helped me believe.
You gave me love,
‘Cause love is all I need.

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